CyberSabbath

March 20, 2010

 

Yesterday marked the first official National Day of Unplugging, promoted by RebootNot the catchiest title ever composed, but I dig what these guys are getting at. 

Starting at sundown yesterday and ending at sundown today (coinciding with both the Hebrew Sabbath and the Vernal Equinox), all those who participated in the new holiday turned off their cell phones and closed their laptops.  They shut down every gadget in their immediate environment and turned outward—to the fresh, vibrant world of budding trees and blue skies, to the rich texture of non-virtual human interaction.  If only 10 people actually went through with it, that’s 10 less people to count among the damned, if only for a day.

Of course, March 20 isn’t the only day we have to enjoy the peace of a world un-Tweeted.  Reboot is a non-profit network of tech-savvy Jews who share the belief that Sabbath should be a day to give these blinking, beeping, blank-stare-inducing doodads a rest.  It doesn’t take a hardcore Luddite or an Orthodox hardhead to appreciate such a practice.  Any person of sensitivity or perspective has probably noticed that these new devices—by simultaneously bombarding our minds with too much information and too little—is pushing some people to the edge of dementia.  Wise ancestors are transformed into bumbling, paleolithic boobs while their impulsive kids turn to the tech-teet for nourishment.  The answer is not within—it’s within your server.

If you are reading this now, you may know what I’m talking about, and your emoticon should not be smiling.

Dan Rollman, a Reboot member and the creator of the Sabbath Manifesto project, has this to say in an email to CNN:

“There’s clearly a social problem when we’re interacting more with digital interfaces than our fellow human beings.  Rich, engaging conversations are harder to come by than they were a few years ago. Our attention spans are silently evaporating.”

I couldn’t agree more.  There are only a few conversationalists left in the real world, but I can only reach them by email!

We are living out Sci-Fi scenarios that consistently elude traditional customs and archaic moral codes.  The so-called “Ten Commandments” may be an essential pillar of our society, but they are scant on detail. 

Does pushing the voting machine button for a warmonger President count as murder?  Does buying a 50″ plasma-screen count as honoring your mother and father if you were raised by a TV set?  Should you covet your neighbor’s wife if he emails you a picture of her naked?  With so much ambiguity surrounding the possible interpretations, it’s no wonder our generation has tried so hard to ignore traditional religion.

Dan Rollman’s Sabbath Manifesto project takes one commandment very seriously: Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. 

Of course, most of us do not have man-servants, woman-servants, cattle, or hard-working children to put at ease on the Sabbath.  But we do have laptops, cell phones, and various iDooDads that occupy enough attention to be confused with “the important things in life.”  Hence the first of the Sabbath Manifesto’s Ten Principles:

1. Avoid technology.

2. Connect with loved ones.

3. Nurture your health.

4. Get outside.

5. Avoid commerce.

6. Light candles.

7. Drink wine.

8. Eat bread.

9. Find silence.

10. Give back.

Even a filthy, pig-eating Gentile-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-Hebrew-X-chromosome—like me, for instance—can do that much once a week. 

You know what, tomorrow’s Sunday…  Sounds like a Tech-free Sabbath for the Unchosen to me.

Just one day to breathe and think like an organism.  One day to just log off—to put the technophilic compulsion into perspective.  One day to remind us what every day will be like if the Machine actually breaks down, leaving us exposed like naked worms beneath a lifted stone.

I’ll send you an email on Monday to tell you all about it.

-

Resources 

Bliman, Nicole.  “Group urges unplugging to take back Sabbath.”  CNN.com.  March 19, 2010.  Web.  http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/19/national.unplugging.day/index.html?hpt=C2

Considine, Austin.  “And on the Sabbath, the iPhones Shall Rest.”  The New York Times.  March 17, 2010.  Web.  http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/18/fashion/18sabbath.html

The Sabbath Manifesto.  www.sabbathmanifesto.org


March 11, 2010

 

 cy-ber-cas-u-al-ty  (ˈsī-bər-ˈka-zhəl-tē)  n., pl. -ties  [ < Gr. kybernan, to steer]      

"Look, it makes her smarter..."

 An individual who spends as much or more time online as he or she does in the physical world, marked by distinctive traits such as:       

  • A perpetual blue glow on the face due to compulsive use of technological devices (eg. cell phones, laptops, iDooDads, PCs, TVs, PSPs, etc.)
  • An astute command of text message abbreviations and emoticons—coupled with inarticulate speech, an unresponsive demeanor, and/or  juvenile emotional outbursts in actual social settings.
  • A noticeable absence of non-virtual relationships, which are replaced by chat buddies, email correspondences, blogs, forums, celebrity fixations, faceless gurus with hypnotic keyboards, social networkers working the screen, hyperlinked love connections, cartoon faces, and so many recipes that you are never gonna cook, but hell, you just like to drool over the pictures from time to time.
  • Gradually diminishing health and hygiene habits—ie. stank arm, funk butt, dripping facial oil, finger of the unknown goo, fast foods, fake foods, no food, teeth fuzz, shlumpy posture, unconscious substance consumption, loss of physical coordination, and unchecked fart production. 
  • That vacant fucking stare.

2  An average shmoe who suddenly finds his or her life in shambles because of a fateful click of the button.  Extreme circumstances include:     

  • The accidental emailer—now unemployed, unloved, or in jail.
  • The promiscuous social networker who forgot to set his or her ’Friends’ list to PRIVATE, then finds out the hard way that secrets spread faster than genital germs.
  • The loser of any one-sided fistfight uploaded to YouTube.
  • The chick in the sex tape who didn’t get paid (and I mean a lot of fucking money, man), or the guy who didn’t make it look convincing.
  • The chump who faithfully typed in his credit card, social security, home address, tax ID, driver’s licence, or PIN number, thinking “Gee whiz, people are too paranoid these days,” only to find out that some tech-savvy Nigerian pimp has been running an endangered species sex cult on his tab.
  • The target of a sufficiently popular rumor.
  • The thirteen-year-old hacker savant who accidentally starts a nuclear holocaust.
  • Anyone who adds World of Warcraft to their cart.

 3  An Internet user who loses all self-control in the Self-Selecting Vortex. 

Most common types include: 

  • Lobotomized Web-Surfers
  • Human news-tickers
  • Novelty junkies
  • File-horders
  • List composers
  • Fetish-stricken prisoners of the porno variety show
  • Perpetual political spectators/armchair commentators
  • eShoppers with a shiny new credit card
  • Blog readers
  • Hit counters
  • FaceSpacester’s new Mr. Popular
  • Cartoon-watchers who’ve blown their funny-filters
  • Esoteric conspiracy miners
  • Pretty much any kid born after 1984

Symptoms include: 

  • dry red eyes
  • slack jaw
  • moist palms
  • chafed organs
  • pale skin
  • uncontrollable sores and blemishes
  • booger-strewn keyboards
  • runaway clocks
  • incorporeal hunger for that which is only screen deep
  • irregular breathing
  • random words
  • endless images, now meaningful
  • now sensibly nonsensical
  • now scraped off the
  • scrolling page and funneled into your brain
  • poisoned with incomplete
  • what was i thinking
  • cant find the link
  • click the
  • button my shorts somebodys coming
  • home page is where the
  • heart is not even beating with human blood anymore…click…click…somehow it seems more real onscreen…click…click…the whole world is coming to an end before our eyes, the date is set to click…click…new revelations, opening your mind, now free to click…click…ad says young dumb and wants your click…click…you’re getting older, your face is falling, just look at this sagging, drooping flesh—Is this you?—think about it—we can put you back together, just click…click…here is the world at your fingertips and you are only vaguely aware that you will never in your life—from now until the day you die—be able to touch it so you just click…here…now the Sun’s coming up and you have to step away from the screen, step away from the screen, off to that forgotten realm where you used to click…click…to the secret gnosis the mainstream media is afraid to tell you about, step into a world of mysteries revealed, where every Secret is just one click…click…your way to a new click…click…now try it with the bullets…click…click…bang… 

  

[Disambiguation:  Term not to be confused with the common practice of Mac computers (and the occasional PC) to quietly enjoy a cup of chai in the afternoon.] 

 


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